Balmoral 2019

Nine of us made the trip to Balmoral last night for the 19th outing. It's one of the most fun events of the year and places are much sought after - "dead men's shoes". It started in 2001 when former squash club champion Gary Coutts, now Head Keeper on the Royal estate, invited a few of us over. For the first 12 years, we had to restrict the invites to just 6 as each Balmoral member could only sign 3 of us on. Gary enlisted a colleague - initially his boss Ben Fernie (now sadly deceased) - to play with us.

The event was expanded in 2013 and 2 of Gary's colleagues now play with us, allowing 9 of us from Banchory to play. Over the years, we've played with a total of 9 of Gary's fellow members - the aforementioned Ben, Arthur, Duncan, Norrie, Peter, Brian, Craig, Fraser and last night for the first time, standing in for a recently herniated Gary, young Reid, whose handicap is bound to come crashing down from his current level of 24.

It was coolish and windy, but at least that (mostly) kept the midges away. The course was looking very tidy and the usual fearsome rough was substantially pared back. There was one awful moment, however, when we got to the 3rd green - the hole was full of human excrement! Apparently this is a fairly regular feature, the blame for which is given to local caravanners.

We managed to get off to a fairly prompt start so last night we introduced a compulsory halfway refreshment stop, which I feel sure will now become a regular feature.

We had one brief shower on the course but we were still back in the clubhouse about 9 pm and got stuck in to the catering that Hugh (via Costco) had very kindly arranged. There was one small oversight however as the mini quiches were passed around - everyone thought they were pretty tasteless. Then we read the instructions on the packet - yup, they should have gone in the oven before eating!

Gary cracked open his customary whisky bottle and we all shared drams. In a paean to his much-missed boss, Gary tossed the top away, saying in the best Fife accent he could muster "aye, we'll no be needing that again, laddie!"

Beer and wine flowed and soon Hugh was in to his by now regular routine of "Hugh's cock-ups". Most of us can now recite them by heart, but there were a few embellishments last night. As they say, these stories are growing legs.

The traditional team photo at the start had been overlooked but we managed to get everyone out on the decking before the light went:

l-r: Brian Lees, Les Gray, Jas Bhagrath, Bill Miller, Gary Coutts, Duncan Stewart, Reid MacCallum, Hugh Riches, Ken Black, Dick Taylor, Rob Pollard, Dave Williamson and Ian Stewart

What about the scores then? Well, Jas played out of his skin, confounding his 21 handicap to come out a clear winner with an impressive total of 43 points, with Duncan coming in second with 40 points. They were both in the second team out, with Ken and I making up our foursome and it transpired that that was the complete pecking order on the evening - 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th. It was inevitable, therefore, that we would win the team prize - and we did, with a total of 128 points from 3 scores at each hole. Team 1 - Les, Dick, Rob and Reid - totalled 111 and team 3 - Dave, Bill, Hugh and Brian - scored 99 points.

Duncan won the longest drive with a massive effort at the 16th and Hugh managed to pip Les for the nearest the pin prize at the 5th. Rob and I hit our tee shots at the 11th to identical distances from the hole - and we both got our 2's.

Surprisingly, Jas' 43 points last night is not a record. In 2005, the database shows Les winning with a total of 44 points.We don't, however, have details of the winning scores in 3 of the first 4 years and we/I didn't record last year's winner, let alone the score - nobody else could remember either, but I think the consensus last night was that it was Brian, so we'll give him the credit.

Over the years, the event has been dominated by the home-based players, with Gary and Norrie each having won 3 times. I am the only "away" player who has managed to match that total. Malcolm, Jas, Brian and Duncan each have 2 wins, and Ian D and Les one each.

The return bus departed punctually at 11:30 pm, and we were all tucked up in bed before 1 am, albeit some of us got a bit of a soaking after the bus abruptly dropped us off at the golf club. Many thanks to Gary and his colleagues for their usual excellent hospitality - and to Hugh for organising the catering, and Dave the bus.